I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Randomize
