Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
she peed on how many people?
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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