are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
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