Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
