I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
