she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
I would ride that face into the sunset
Randomize
