I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Randomize
