I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
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