I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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