I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
