If i could tip my vagina, i would.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
