We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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