I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Randomize
