I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
