I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Randomize
