Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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