Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Randomize
