Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
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