My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
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