did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Randomize
