so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
3 2 1 whiskey
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Randomize
