yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
