what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
