I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
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