At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
And then he peed in my hair
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