i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
