took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Randomize
