My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
try to milk me bitch
Randomize
