Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
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