i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
