Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
