i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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