Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
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