I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Randomize
