i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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