My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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