It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Randomize
