I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Randomize
