I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
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