nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
even my farts smell like vagina
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Dear god my vagina.
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