thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Randomize
