she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
