She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Randomize
