so let's talk penis.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
