I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
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