If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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