Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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