I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Sex in the backyard? Check.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
