Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Randomize
