I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
