Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
