I only kidnapped one of them. chill
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
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